


Down the hole

by Thedamnraven



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Gen or Pre-Slash, M/M, Male Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-24 08:38:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14351880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thedamnraven/pseuds/Thedamnraven
Summary: ..they were both crammed down the same dark hole in the ground like two bulky peas in a big filthy pod.





	1. Relief

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I'm a new writer in this fandom. English ain't my first language. Also not beta-ed. I write because I like it. Criticism, the constructive kind, is most welcome. This story and some more are already posted at my LJ and at DW, slightly differently worded but that's just me, being all change-y. I'm not making money and the characters ain't mine. All credit goes to Mr Stallone for thinking the guys up in the first place.

The squirming continued. 

Small movements that caused the man to silently curse whatever gods of failure and fuck-all, to hell. The motions were not ignored by the other guy either. Couldn't be, since they were both crammed down the same dark hole in the ground like two bulky peas in a big filthy pod.

“What the hell are you doing?” the second guy finally asked, impatiently. The first man stilled, glanced at his partner and let out a sigh. 

“I really have to pee.”

“I guess that half pint of latte you insisted on at the vendor turned out to be just as stupid an idea as I specifically TOLD you it would be.” The older man rolled his eyes, mostly out of habit, as he reached around his back and produced a heavy duty zip-lock bag. Barney had packed some food a just in case there would be a snag in the timeline, and now he was really glad he had bothered. He emptied out the protein bars and various field rations it contained between them and smacked the empty bag in his friends face, “Just hurry up, will yah?”

The fast in-and-out two man mission they were currently on should have been simple and fast enough. All they had to do was get in, retrieve an USB stick and get out. The small house they were breaking in to was situated outside of Bago and looked more like a glorified hut than the Villa they had gotten intel about. It was only pure luck they had found this old foxhole when they did, narrowly avoiding detection, as a small jeep convoy came driving up the road. Mission almost done, USB stick retrieved.

“Right. I'm gonna have to have some privacy,” Lee sighed.

Barney snapped his head around, eyebrows raised questioningly. 

“You've got to be kidding me!” He looked towards the barely camouflaged opening. 

“Want me to step outside as well? Maybe turn on the faucet for you? Just piss already and be done with it!”

Lee sighed again and turned his back as best as he could to his teammate. He'd never imagined it would be an issue to relieve himself close by anyone if the situation called for it. Problem was, Barney was hardly ANYONE. He was the Boss. The Big Man, the guy who made sure Lee got his pay check, was kept alive during missions, had his back and picked up the slack. He was there when things got dark during downtime, he was there to patch him up when Lee got wounded. And now Lee needed to pee.  


On the clock.  


In a hole in the ground.  


Stupidly ashamed for being stupid enough to crave that stupid coffee earlier, should sum up just enough stupid, to have Barney shoot him right in the face.

“You need help or what? Is it not long enough to reach past your zipper?” Barney mumbled, annoyance and some amusement in his voice. 

“Maybe it's to crowded in here, can't piss with you breathing down my neck. It's annoying, and quite frankly, humid!” Lee replied.

Barney huffed and pressed himself back against the dirt wall. It was as far as he could get but he could still poke the younger man between the shoulder blades with his elbow if he wanted to. He shifted his focus on the sounds form outside. Distant voices could be heard. Metal on metal clanging from somewhere, someone pitching a tent. A Jeep being moved and parked. Barney made a quick estimation there must be about twenty enemies making camp near the foxhole. And a few more in the house. The quick look he got at the first jeep confirmed they were all heavily armed. The broken English spoken told him the small army consisted of several ethnic varieties. Hired Mercs then. And they expected reinforcements in the morning. Lee and him really needed to make their way out of there as soon as it was dark enough. 

A sound of relief and fluids on plastic was heard in the earthy confinement.

“Don’t you dare fart as well,” Barney grumbled, casting his eyes on his partners stiffening shoulders. 

“Shut your face, old man or I'll bake you a mud pie over here, to shut it with!” Lee hissed back. 

Barney smirked and casually stretched his legs, kicking his friends boots in the process. Lee almost falling on his face before getting back in position. 

“What the hell? You want me to piss myself? Are you so fond of urine, you wanna smell it all night? ..I'm wearing your spare tactical pants by the way,” an evil smirk appeared on Lee's face. 

“Dammit, Lee! Just finish up and throw the bag down the hole!” Barney growled in Lees ear.

“...and stop taking my stuff without asking!”

x


	2. Relaxation

Dinner, was a luxurious meal, consisting of protein bars and trail mix. A modest amount of water was shared and came with a cold, sideways glance from Barney. Lee managed to swallow three gulps before his stomach cramped up with nerves. He would rather end up dehydrated than go through that humiliating experience again.

Eating whilst almost spooning, was also new. Even though Lee and Barney were close and counted each other as their best friend, physically they didn’t usually touch that much. Training, first aid and combat aside. 

And Lee did absolutely not think about how Barneys guns were touching his ass.  


At least not much.

At the start.

Suggestive as hell, it soon was ALL he could think about.  


Lee swallowed the last of his share and laid himself down on a folded arm. He didn't want to go there again. Those thoughts had entered, made loops around his brain and left traces of themselves for years. Building up to knowledge, that yes he was in love with his big, warm, brick wall of a boss.  


He was a friend, a partner and an expansion of himself. Always loyal, smart and ..there. He was always there.  
Add to that a friendly face, a beautiful body and dammit if Barneys voice wasn´t also fucking deep and amazing.

Lee shivered a bit. Thinking _-done_ , he checked off his mental checklist. Now how could he get away with DOING something? 

“You cold?” Barney whispered, having noticed his friends shiver in the confined space.

Lee nodded in the dim lighting. He could go for that. It actually was damp and chilly on the hard ground.

“yeah.. cold. Yes,” Lee sent a silent thanks to the previously cursed gods and scooted closer to Barney and lined up his back to his partners front.

“What are you doing?” Barneys voice was silent but had a higher pitch to it.

“Relax Barney, I'm trying something,” Lee answered.

“But Lee, you..” Barney tried to object without sounding like a big baby.

“Put a sock in it for ten seconds, will yah?” Lee argued. And to his amazement, Barney was quiet. 

The warmth of his friend was already feeling way more comfortable than it was supposed to. It felt like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winters night. Like when he found his lost teddy bear when he was six and mum and dad was still away at work, even though it was way past his bed time. Finding comfort while the babysitter was passed out drunk on the sofa.

Barneys hand hovered in the air above Lees waist, not knowing where to go.

“...Lee!” Warm air caressed Lees ear and made him shiver again. 

“Yeah what now?” he reluctantly murmured.

“..It's been ten seconds!” Barneys voice travelled as deep vibrations through Lees back.

“..yes," _the best ten seconds of my life_ , Lee thought

“So-what-tha-hell-yah-doin'-man?” Barneys voice had a panic-y tone to it now and came out rapidly, with a tinge of Italian accent, as it sometimes did when he was stressed and could not quite override his heritage. 

Lee could feel Barney trying to move away from him but the dirt wall behind him stopped that rather effectively. A smile appeared on Lees face in the darkening hole in the ground. Because he could also feel his friend growing hot and hard against his ass.

“Barney.”

The other man gave up on trying to get away and stilled.

“Yeah..?” his voice was sullen and muffled, as if he had covered his face with something, a big muscular arm, perhaps.

“Look, I don't care about that. Really. Happens to everyone," Lee said with a what he hoped was a convincing tone. 

A huff was heard and felt against his neck. 

Lee held back a manly squeel, hoped Barney would not notice his face and neck being flushed, drew a breath and continued.

“At your age, you should have experienced this shit some time or another, I know I have. But then again, a senior citizen like you may not remember those days,” Lee added.

A dignified snort was his only reply.

"Listen, I like he warmth. I'm comfortable. And we need to sleep if we're gonna get out of here later. Just relax. Take first watch if you can’t wind down and sleep," Lee thought he had made his point and couldn't for his life think of anything else to say. 

Barney was dead silent for a while. Then he sighed and took his arm away from his red face.

“..yeah..why not..?" Barney muttered but on the inside he slapped himself hard in the face for getting a boner, at this place, in this situation.  


_Stupid-stupid-stupid!  
_

But really. How the hell could he not react? The body pressed in to him.. was LEE fucking CHRISTMAS!

Lee wiggled himself in to a more comfortable, and maybe even closer, position and smiled wickedly in to the dark.

Barney drew a shuddering breath and started counting the minutes left until nightfall. 

x

x


	3. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He tried to recall the saddest or the grossest pictures he had seen, or the most horrible situations he had ever come across. Dying Babies, burn victims, amputated limbs and people throwing up in public places.  
> At one Point he even let his mind produce images of Gunner Jensen in a short skirt.

Barney didn’t know what to do or what to think.

He didn’t have an off button, he was more likely to not be turned on at all, and it had taken him a long while to talk his erection down.  
He was angry. Normally he was in charge of his own body and this complete betrayal was making him frustrated.

He tried to recall the saddest or the grossest pictures he had seen, or the most horrible situations he had ever come across. Dying Babies, burn victims, amputated limbs and people throwing up in public places.

At one point he even let his mind produce images of Gunner Jensen in a short skirt. Not a pretty sight.

The biggest problem was that he really didn’t want to stop feeling Lee against his body this way. He was glad Christmas had stopped moving so much but immediately missed the friction. Conflicted as hell he didnt dare to move, or say, shit.

It was silent. Well almost silent.  
The uneven breathing coming from Lee was barely noticeable. He didn’t dare to do or say anything either, afraid of doing it wrong. He didn’t want to break the fragile spell that let him be this close to Barney, causing the man to shove him away.

He was annoyed though. Barney hadn’t put his hand down on Lees waist or anywhere at all but instead rested his arm uncomfortably along his own body.  
Thinking about it made Lee more and more frustrated. It would be so much more.. Lovely, if Barney could just..

“..touch me!” Lee whispered not knowing he had said the words out loud.

”What?” was the immediate answer from his friend, his mind still hovering around decapitated dogs and rotten eyeballs. 

Lee shook his head, realizing his mistake and quickly replied,

“I mean, what the hell is up with the tin soldier pose? Its like a kid knocked you over on the floor and never came back. I don’t have Ebola, I don't bite and I don't even smell all that bad yet. Rest your god damn arm in a natural pose, you dumb ass!”

Lee closed his eyes and hoped he had saved the situation.

Barney sighed inwardly. Yeah, Lee was right. It would be so much more damn comfortable to rest his hand on Lees hip or something.  
He could do it, easily, probably get rock hard again and embarrass himself all over. Most likely needing to fire Lee when they got back home before the rest of the crew heard anything about this. 

Or he could try his luck, grab his best mate by the holsters and grind against his ass, hard and determinate, hoping Lee wouldn't rip him a new one. The thought caused his cock to start expanding again. Dammit.

“Shut up, Christmas, it's almost dark now. Just focus on the outside, for fucks sake!” Barney rumbled through his horny fog. 

Lee did as ordered. If it was time to go, it was time to go. He rolled over on to his front, leaving the comfortable warmth of his partner and tuned in on what was happening in the camp. His own cock pressed against the cold soil, and if it had been huge and throbbing, it was now shrinking by the second.

The Mercs had mostly assembled on the other side of the clearing that was supposed to be the house's front yard. Closest to the hole was now an improvised parking and some tents that were still unoccupied. A fire had been started and scents of warm food was rising from a huge, steaming pot.

“..well, now or never I suppose, while the food is distracting the big boys,” Lee whispered.

“yeah, if we sneak out behind the grey jeep, the two tents will hide us from view once the guard at the far side joins the family dinner,” Barney replied.

They snuck out before the moon got to the highest point in the sky. It was as dark as it was gonna get.  
They moved with the skill only years of expertise brings, although with a fair bit of stiffness from spending so much time on the cold hard soil. Filthy, stinky and deep in thoughts they snuck out between empty tents and tired jeeps.

After about ten minutes of brisk walking in the woods, Barney signalled for halt. They had long to go before getting to the car. The woods were dense and showed no signs of people ever passing through it.

“My turn to go piss. No need to babysit me, just stay here," he ordered.

Truthfully, he doubted he could get a drop past the raging hardon he was sporting. Still or again, he could not say, he just knew it needed to be dealt with. Barney took off to the left and made sure Lee was still standing where he had ordered him to. 

Fifteen meters, past at least ten bushes and some fallen tree, he stopped and took a deep breath. No need to go overboard with the distance.  
He listened carefully. Not a sound from the way that they had come. Nobody was following them. Lee was silent, as expected. Probably squatting down, making himself invisible in the dark. 

Barney opened his fly and grabbed his stiff cock. Images and feelings came rushing over him. Lees ass in the tight pants, the heat and friction against his cock earlier, Lees strong thighs bulging as the man was squatting a small distance away.  
It took Barney three jerks before he came with a shudder of relief in the dark. Dammit, fuck and fuck again.

Well, at least, now he would be able to piss.

X  
X  
X


	4. Redemptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “you like Dolly Parton?? What song? I need to hear what makes you smile like a demented frog on cannabis”
> 
> Barney lent forward and flicked Lee between the eyes. 
> 
> “Manners, kid! Besides, that song cant ever have been recorded since we wrote it and sang it once, just to piss off some guy.”

They chose to eat breakfast at one of Bagos smaller hotels. A decent meal and an outdoors seating in the fresh morning air made them both feel rather comfortable and relaxed.

They were nursing a couple of tall, freshly squeezed orange juices and Barney was watching people back from the safety of his sunglasses.  


Lee was watching Barney. 

Freshly scrubbed and out of tacticals, Barney looked a delight in an emerald green, v-neck Henley, where small drops of crystal clear water still would fall from his damp hair after washing it in the bathroom sink, to descend down his neck and evaporate before they stained the line of fabric.

They had reached the car without trouble. Nothing pointed to them being followed so after an uneventful drive they had slept in the car at the parking lot outside the hotel.

_Well, better get busy googling something for a while, can't stare at the guy all morning_ , Lee thought and plugged an ear piece in.

The silence was broken by an unusual sound. Barney was humming a.. Country tune? Lee looked up.

“Country, man? Seriously? You like that shit?”

”If the mood is right, country can be rather fun," Barney replied with a smile.

“So what was it you just mumbled? Johnny Cash? Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton?” Lee asked.

Barney's smile got even broader at the last name but said nothing. He leaned further back in the chair and stretched his boot clad feet out in front of him. 

“You like Dolly Parton?? What song? I need to hear what makes you smile like a demented frog on cannabis,” Lee pushed. 

Barney quickly lent forward and flicked Lee between the eyes. 

“Manners, kid! Besides, that song cant ever have been recorded since we wrote it and sang it once, just to piss off some guy.”

Lees eyes went big. 

“You sang with Dolly Parton?? I need to YouTube that. What was the song called?”

“Really, Christmas?” Barney leaned back in his chair again. 

"I doubt that's the title Dolly Parton would have chosen, but at this point nothing seems out of the question!" Lee grinned at Barney. 

“Smart ass! Well, do whatever you want, I really doubt its on there. Look for; stay out of my bedroom," Barney chuckled. 

Lee quickly typed in the suggested words and amazingly, there were several hits including one image of a bedazzled Young Barney with a microphone.

”Dare I press play?” Lee asked as he showed the screen to Barney. 

“Sure,” Was the silent answer from his friend.

The song was brutally country, jacked up tempo, off key, in your face and funny all at once, sorta like Barney himself. Lee loved it and was giggling within ten seconds after the shock left him. Before the end he was having trouble drawing his breath due to cramping of his stomach muscles. Leaning his head against the table he tried to regain composure.

“Holy shit. Daaaaamn! My stomach!” Lee took a drink. 

Barney had a pleased grin on his face, arms crossed over his broad chest.

“..satisfaction guaranteed,” he quoted and made Lee snort orange juice up through his nose in a new fit of giggles.

“hell, man, stop it, that stings!” Lee laughed.

They settled down and ordered a couple of espressos. An American looking family exited the hotel behind Barney and a voice called out _Hey, Johnny!_ Barney quickly turned to look in the direction of the voice and saw the family warmly greet a young man, probably another relative if the huge noses and weak chins were anything to go by.  


Barney turned back to face a silent Lee Christmas with an eyebrow raised in a questioning pose.

“So.. John, huh?” Lee finally asked.

Barney took his sunglasses off and with slow movements lit a cigar. He was asking himself if he should lie, tell the truth, or simply ignore the question all together. Lying would be the way to go.   
Nobody knew any of the other men's real identities, all names were made up. 

Lee seemed to have a crush on him as well, which could prove to be dangerous. On the other hand.. Barney wasn't trying very hard to convince himself he wasn’t attracted to Christmas either. He just never gave ‘it’ a name before.

“I knew you couldn't have been named Barney, that's giving a kid misery as a birthday present," Lee insisted.

“..like Christmas sound any more like an authentic name, dude,” Barney huffed. Looking like a man about to either give in or get out. The want to share intense, the fear of putting himself out there, very real. 

Lee only shrugged as an answer. How he got his name wasn't important. Knowing something about the legend that was Barney Ross, was. 

”So, you are saying your real name is John and you used to sing with Dolly Parton?” Lee smiled crookedly and continued, 

”This truth seems more like fiction to me!” Lee teased. 

Barney snorted at that, gave an actual Italian _shrug-and-head twist_ that made him look like he was acting in an old mobster movie, and stated, 

“What the hell do you want from me, Christmas?” 

“..Anything you are willing to give me, Barney. And nothing else,” Lee was suddenly sincere. 

Barney swallowed and concentrated on the arriving coffee. After the waiter had left the tiny cups of coffee, Barney spoke in an unfamiliarly silent voice.

“It was a long time ago. I was in ‘Nam on my second tour when I decided to change identity the first time," the memories seemed to catch up with the older man and he turned quiet for a few minutes. 

Lee was astounded. Barney was sharing something real and he wasn't going to miss out on a single word. The coffee forgotten and getting colder by the minute. When Barney seemed to hsve gotten stuck, Lee threw out, 

“..they used to call me Bacon!” 

The unexpected words made Barney come back to reality with a snort.

“What the hell?” he stared at Lee.

“Did your parents have the munchies, or were they Mr and Mrs English breakfast?” Barney grinned. 

“Mr Green Egg and Mrs Ham, to be exact.” Lee smiled. The tactic seemed to work, Barney was speaking again. 

“I've had a lot of names, none as ridiculous as yours, but a lot of them. The one that stayed the longest was John, although, Barney is a close second," Barney was sorting facts in need to know and to much information piles in his head.

“So what did Johnny do after changing from being a Vietnam war vet?” Lee asked, now sipping on piss warm coffee.

“He tried boxing. And to be frank, I was rather good at it," Barney replied. 

“Oh yes? I thought you would be, to be honest, you look the part. But to be frank, no one is better than me. I was _called_ Frank after I left the British special forces.” Lee responded. 

Barney smiled and decided he'd try his luck with his espresso. It was cold and tasted of asphalt. It would be a disaster to tell his best friend about himself, it would probably be even worse to keep spending his life in a lonely bubble. Well, he had already started. So.. _Why not?_

“So, the fact I was in ‘Nam is hardly surprising but I was myself taken aback by the confirmed kill count. 59 after my first tour,"  
Barney swallowed another cold mouthful of disgusting coffee. 

Lee blinked slowly. 

“Shit!" It was all he could say to that. That meant at least twice the number, off the records.

“Yeah. I went back several times. Lost count of how many people I killed after a few years. Military mostly but sometimes civilians. All the lies and setups were too much. You've heard a lot of Vietnam stories. You know what? They are true. Most of them far worse in reality, but true. Hardly could tell where or when I was any more. It had to stop," Barney replied in a low voice. When Lee was silent, Barney resumed his story, 

“I’ve been a trucker, a mountaineer, a hitman. I've been hired to set bombs. And the worst part, Lee, do you know what that is?” Barney leaned forward making sure he had Lees attention.

Lee shook his head.

“..I was a seriously great cop!” Barney hissed. 

Lee guffawed.

“... they let just anyone in nowadays, don't they?” he mocked.

Barney sniggered, 

“You could say that! But seriously, I left. The shit runs deep within the force as well,”  
Barney sneared. 

“Prosecution wasn't better either. That job got people close to me killed, Lee, that’s the job that made me stop fooling myself. I’m not made to fit in with the sheep. After burying my family..” Barney quieted.

Lee slowly reached over the table and put his hand over Barneys, reminding him he was still there and listening. 

Barney drew a breath and continued.

“..I got obsessed with security. Testing it. Making it. Breaking it. That's when the Cia got an interest in me and I got started creating the Expendables team," a small smile crept back to the mans face as he thought of his band of misfits and maniacs. 

“..wow Barney. Shit! That’s a hell of a lot more than I ever thought.. I'm honoured to .. Damn! I feel fucking privileged,” Lee felt the dread in his chest start to melt away.

Barney looked down on their hands still touching on the table. He turned his slightly so he could stroke his thumb along Lees wrist.

“..over five hundred people, maybe several thousands by now, have died by my hands, Christmas. As bad as that is, it is who I am, its what I do best, whatever my name is. Considering how.. close we are.. or were... yesterday in the hole in the ground..”

Barney smiled a cooked smile and caught Lees huge eyes as he continued, 

“..I’d think you are entitled to know who the fuck you are offering your pretty British ass to! "

Lee yanked his hand back with a huff, straightened up and swore under his breath. A quick glance at Barney confirmed he was dead serious and smugly smiling like a particularly well fed cat.

“Fuck you, Barney!” Lee grinned widely, face flushed pink, and ordered two new espressos.  
 

X  
X  
X  
X


End file.
